“You can have a horrible childhood and still be happy.”
I am not saying that we humans don’t need healing after trauma occurred, after abuse took place, after injustices have been experienced. I am not saying we shouldn’t scream for help, and often need to do so for a long time, before we can see changes, feel better and move in peace and upliftment.
But what I am saying is that the asking for it, the longing itself is the signpost that you have not forgotten who you truly are, despite any trauma or traumas. You and I are a worthy, powerful human beings. Better said, a divine soul in a limited body moving in limited experiences but remembering what we deserve: EVERYTHING.
“Our pain and asking for something else, for more, means we do remember our birthright: MORE!”
The pain is about the experience of lack for what we know we deserve. So yes, we deserve more. We truly do deserve better. YOUR ‘MORE’ IS HOME. Always was and always will be. But the looking back is not making much difference. So where to look?
We have established: the knowing of our truth is still there, the compass points home. We haven’t lost the connection to ourselves and the longing for more is our indicator. However, pain really, really just distracts us. Am I right?
“Listen to Your Scream.”
So the first step is to listen to the scream. Our own voice. And if we scream for change, if we long to grow beyond of where we’re currently standing, then we’re on the right track.
And by the way, we are all in this ‘more’ experience on this planet together. We all share this limited reality, and yes, I can confirm: it is complicated and rather complex. I know, but hey, we’re here nonetheless, so we might as well make the most of it. Let us use it to be and get ‘more’, and to develop those super powers, eh?
“Wanting more points towards our future.”
And so what is healing or growth as I call it, once we listened to our scream for more? And how to go about it?
Can you see that ‘more’ is an attitude that looks forward? To a point in your future? If there is a voice in you, that calls for more, for justice, for general worthiness and acceptance than please listen to it. It actually pulls you out of your hole, the stuckness, the pain. Slowly, steadily, and maybe not fast enough when everything hurts, but it does pull. And sometimes that’s all we’ve got. Slow change. Let’s learn about it and speed it up, shall we?
“The bubble of listening leads to Mastery.”
My experience is to hear our pull when we’re in a beautiful, transparent bubble that is only ours. If we leave others and the past outside of it, friends, parents, family, colleagues, even your children, then the listening gets easier, and the pull is stronger. It certainly speeds up the process.
They all have their own dreams or screams for more. And it is their journey to own their own desires (usually not so different from yours) and master their own path on how to generate the more, like peace, love, happiness in their lives.
But now we’re talking about you:
You can have YOUR change because you’re asking for it. And you are the only one who can do something about it, too. Sure you need tools, directions, and maybe, for now, you will use other people’s experiences, advice and opinion as guideposts. As long as their advice resonates with us and we keep listening to our own screaming heart towards home, please do so. We all need to use their GPS for as long as our compass matches theirs.
And only until then, just until we can allow ourselves to become even ‘more’ on that level as well. Until we develop our own teachings, our own mastery and tools. But hey, no pressure, we have fought long enough, let’s make it to base camp. Let’s find a bed that gives us some rest from screaming for ‘more’, a better life, a happier outlook. It is exhausting to constantly feel pain and the lack when we all deserve ‘more’. I know.
“Use the tools of the heart and mind to create the Now.”
So for now, let’s stick to the basics: most of us own the tools we need to create this ‘more’, to be indeed happy, or more satisfied. By the way, it never lies in the past, our ‘more’, our happier times. They are created in the NOW, but looking back does serve our understanding, and helps to analyse and maybe to get clearer on what we do and don’t want (which defines our ‘more’). But looking back does not create our future. Never has.
The tools I speak of are our quick, searching minds, our precious, sensing hearts, an ability to wish, the power to choose and the skill to listen to ourselves – to investigate – to introduce awareness and observe – those are our basic tools. Nothing to buy, no program to purchase, no books to read, no workshop or groups to visit.
Does that make you feel hopeful or disappointed?
Believe me, we all take our sweet time to wake up to these tools when crawling out of our trauma pits. The tools of the mind and the heart are maybe easily named, but boy do they take muscle and training.
And to get clear, I am not saying ‘leave therapy’, or ‘stop taking your meds’, or ‘don’t call your sponsor when you need her/him’, etc… None of this is what I mean when listening to your scream for something better. What I am pointing towards is that you can do all these things which help you understand and heal, and listen quietly to the scream and yourself as well. It works well together.
“Love your demons.”
Let me assure you, I know trauma and pain, and I know crisis and therapy. And I also know how to start loving the demons in our heads that took residence there when we have experienced terrible or hurtful things, especially from childhood years. Yes, you heard me, I said ‘loving’ because aren’t we fed up with war?
I think our next choice towards ‘more’ is the credo of ‘No more fighting!’ Ever. Fighting anything is not creating peace and seems to mess the compass. Battling on won’t transform us into a happy ‘more’. At least that is my experience. And it took me 40 years, after fighting a long, long time, and then giving it up, to be able to say: I had a terrible childhood, and I am happy.
Adult Life Fact #1 summed up:
#1 Taste test the thought of actually listening to your scream for ‘more’ and see what it tells you about your truth. Your heart’s truth. You want more? Something better? Feel better? Where does it point to? Never mind if you believe you deserve the ‘more’ That thought isn’t trustworthy right now. The fact that you’re screaming verifies you have a right to it. To all of it! It is home. YOUR MORE IS HOME.
Your truth is your compass, and your negative feelings indicate, you’re not pointing towards happiness while marching. And how do you know you’ll ever get there and/or deserve it? If you remember what you want it must have once been yours. Once yours always yours! You’ll get there because, really, and that might sound cheesy now, it is indeed already slumbering in you. You only needed reminding where your own true north lies. INSIDE. (and yes, that is the journey that takes the longest)
#2 Listen to your asking, your own scream for ‘more’ – what is it you really wish to feel? Ask yourself: Who would you be if you felt like that? Don’t make it wrong, or fight it. Just allow yourself to listen, write it down, listen more. Get to know yourself. Breathe yourself in. Smile about what you discover, congratulate yourself for making space and time to meet your heart, your truth.
#3 Choose to leave the others, everyone, outside of this search for change, your ‘own true north’. They do have their own compasses, and their needle gets messed up if we start to make their business ours. And vice versa, of course. Let them be and enjoy your bubble of change. Your march or discovery towards ‘more’ is independent of everyone.
#4 Use your already existing tools: Stay in tune, train your mind, train your thoughts, make choices – 24/7, make better choices, for your ‘more’. Listen, feel, accept, then adjust, feel into it again and decide to keep moving until it feels right! Keep crawling, if necessary. Until base camp is in sight. Then sleep, and after while keep moving. That compass will not stop, your scream won’t ebb into a whisper until you lend it your both ears and dedicate yourself to your own change. Until you have changed.
#5 Never fight anything ever again! Not your own shitty feelings, or hurtful memories, sticky confusions, nor your own reactions. Sure you’ll judge yourself and think negative, again, and that will take a while to stop. It’s a habit of the olden days. If you accept it like that, the pull out of the hole, the pit-y is stronger (see what I just did there? hehe…). So simply observe them all, look at those memories, feel the reactions, be confused, listen some more, observe again and choose to love them. Make love, not…
You can ask that what you fight: ‘What wisdom can you give me?’ How do you serve me?
Then move on. That’s your power. Then you can sleep longer in the camps and the distances between them become shorter, and the camps are easier to get to, until eventually the journey home to ‘more’, to something better, to feel happier resembles moving around on a playground, and not survival training.