So what is our legacy as mothers? What is the lesson that I learned after being a Mom for over 11 years?
A while back I was part of a class outing with the kids and all parents and we walked through an interactive music park. My daughter banged around on some instruments and sang as if she was alone. The other parents looked at me. ‘I wish my kids were that confident. I heard from a few. And all I said in return was ‘Just don’t stop them.’
In my personal upbringing, I felt, as probably many, never good enough. Even though I was good doing many things, as a person I seemed to never reach the level of worthiness and accomplishment that earned me the badge of being a complete human being.
I learned how to doubt myself, I learned how to be quiet, I learned how to think others know better and I learned how to neglect my own wisdom and voice. I also learned that taking care of others was more important than to care for myself. I learned that neglecting my truth was the rule I had to follow.
So yes, I was a good student. But a lost girl.
Until the pains of my muted truth, the agony of the unhappy student became that much, overbearing in fact, that finally listening and following the inner voice was the only option to stay sane.
And true, waking up was a journey, not one moment and listening was training a muscle, many muscles, which needed using to become strong and steady. And sometimes I still suffer by not listening to my own voice, and I still fail to take care of myself, but nonetheless, the slow waking up to myself and the accomplishment of discovering who I am is delicious. To find out what I want, whom I want to follow and whom I want to agree with, or stand against is delicious.
The reward to declare I AM ENOUGH was worth the trouble. And that’s all it ever was, trouble – once I understood my power and my worth.
And so all I think I need to do as a Mom is to respect my daughter’s own voice, give her space to express and listen to her even though her voice is different to mine. The rest is up to her and her immense creative powers, which have nothing to do with me. I just don’t ever want to stop her, hold her back or diminish her voice.
Basically, I make space for her to grow those roots, and she’ll grow those wings all by herself.